Odie's Galaxy of Drabbles
by odiedragon
Summary: A collection of short pieces, written for the Insanity Round challenges at me-challenge on livejournal.
1. Garbage

Prompt: Garbage

* * *

"You know Zaeed, if you're going to hang out down here, the least you could do is space the trash once in awhile."

Zaeed glared at her. "It ain't in my bloody contract to take out the bloody _trash_."

Shepard glared right back at him. "So you like living in squalor?. Shall I have your meals served in a trough? Maybe bring in a mud bath, so you can feel more at home?"

"You got a problem with the trash service, take it up with Rupert. I'm here to kill things and take home a fat lump of credits."

"You're here," Shepard continued, cursing herself for losing her patience, "to be part of my team. That means doing the jobs you're told to do. Do you expect your precious contract to tell you everything? Did it cover which hand to wipe your ass with? Whatever will you do the next time you take a shit?"

"Then I say you should go do _your_ job and tell that slouch Rupert to do his."

Shepard fought to keep the smirk off her face. "You know what Zaeed? You're right."

"Damn right I am."

"I'll send Rupert down here right away. And I'll be sure to tell him to check for any scrap metal lying around as well. Old cans, clipped wires... broken rifles."

The flash of anger that flew across Zaeed's eyes confirmed her success. "No one touches Jessie and lives." His tone was made of ice.

"Then I think you'd best see to the state of your quarters, Massani" She turned and left the room, cutting off Zaeed's string of curses as the door hissed shut behind her.


	2. We Carry A Harpoon!

I suppose this is technically a crossover. But it's very true-to-life with regard to my first ME playthrough, as in I was "writing" this while I drove around Luna in the Mako. Complete with singing. :D

(I also realize that the time line would not make sense. Just go with me here, okay?)

Prompt: Shepard's Favorite Song

* * *

Garrus looked askance at the Commander. It had to be because they were near the human home world. Why else would she have such an odd grin on her face?

Then she started making strange whistling sounds. Human music of some sort?

"Something's got you in a good mood today, Commander," Garrus commented. "I doubt that even this rogue VIs is powerful enough to put a grin on _your_ face."

"That's true, you've probably never been to Luna before!" Shepard replied, still grinning. "Luna is known for three things. Alliance boot camp, rocks, and Luna Park."

"Luna Park?" Liara asked. "I had thought the human home world moon was mostly lifeless."

"Oh, it is! It's not that kind of park."

Garrus and Liara exchanged confused glances, but could not ask more before the Mako slammed into the moon's surface. After that, all conversation ended as they attempted not to seriously injure themselves while the Mako traversed the rough rocky ground.

When they hit a particularly flat stretch of land, the real insanity began.

Shepard started _singing_.

_We're whalers on the moon,  
We carry a harpoon!  
But there are no whales  
So we tell tall tales  
And sing our whaling tune!_

"Shepard?" Garrus asked incredulously. "Are you alright?"

She answered by singing the ridiculous verse _again_.

"_We're whalers on the moon..._"

Garrus interrupted her. "The only sailor around here is you, and you're driving like a drunken one."

She ignored him, singing even louder. "_**WE CARRY A HARPOON!**_"

He sighed.

"Shepard, would you please stop singing that ridiculous song," Liara pleaded.

The scanners beeped. "Hey, something on our radar!" Shepard said, far too enthusiastic. "Is it the amusement park?"

"NO." Both her companions answered simultaneously.

Garrus groaned. It looked as if this was turning into a _very_ long mission.


	3. Constant Reminder

Prompt: Scars

* * *

Shepard stared at the long, gangly, and curiously jointed new device which hung from the med bay ceiling. Chakwas had been delighted to receive such a state-of-the-art machine, for its capabilities outranked even the high-quality equipment Cerberus had installed on the new Normandy. From this vantage point however, knowing that the intent was to use the device to etch into her face with it's powerful laser, Shepard was loathe to join in Chakwas's rejoicing.

The fact that the bloody thing reminded her of a thresher maw didn't help either.

Almost involuntarily, Shepard reached up and touched that spot on her brow. The one that up until two years ago bore evidence of the attack on Akuze. A painful scar, but one she had _earned_. One that life had given to her, to remind her of where she had been and what she had lost. Fucking Cerberus had taken _that_ away from her as well. Perhaps they thought she would forget that they were the ones behind the attack, the ones who cost her entire platoon their lives.

Cerberus was wrong.

They were also wrong to think they would be allowed to replace such rightfully earned scars with ones caused by their own cybernetics. It has gotten so bad she couldn't even look in the mirror any longer. Those savage glowing lines were not ones she had earned through her own deeds, good or bad or otherwise. They had been planted there, a constant reminder of how and why she still lived and breathed. A reminder of how she owed her existence to an organization who once saw her as thresher maw fodder.

The scars had to go. _Now._

She sighed in relief as Chakwas drugged her into unconsciousness.


	4. Crawler's Regret

Prompt: Secrets

* * *

"All I'm saying is that I wouldn't be adverse to the idea, presuming that organic life as we know it still exists after this is all over."

Shepard stared at him. Her whole demeanor had changed to quiet and distant. Just as swiftly her face grew hard, and she let out a bitter laugh Dammit all, he had been _trying_ to be understanding here, trying to be open-minded enough for this whole crazy... whatever it was they had, to work. All he'd managed to do was go all tongue-swollen. Again.

"Garrus, have you _met_ me? Even if I was okay with sleeping with some random guy so as to facilitate such a thing, I'd make a _terrible_ mother."

"Still... I just, you know... I wanted you to know I'd support you. If it ever came to that. Not that I'm saying it would, I just..." Garrus's train of thought trailed off, and he stared at the floor. "You're right, now that I've said it, it just sounds stupid."

She placed her hand over his, sliding over on her couch so that their thighs touched. "This whole crazy business is hard to wrap your brain around sometimes, isn't it? It's okay, really. I know you're just trying to be supportive." She looked up at him, smiling a smile not reflected in her eyes. "If I wanted that life, I could have had it back on Earth."

"I suppose so. Though, if Earth gangs are anything like Omega ones, I doubt it'd be an ideal place to raise a family."

"No one knows that better than me." Now it was her turn to stare blankly at the floor tiles. "Garrus, if I tell you something, I can be sure it doesn't leave this room, yes?"

"I'd hope you can trust me that much after everything we've gone through."

She sat in silence for several moments. "Back on Earth, I had a son. When I was seventeen."

It was the last thing he had expected to hear. "But you said you joined the Alliance when you turned eighteen. They wouldn't have taken a mother with an infant in tow."

"You're right. I gave him up."

Garrus figured that maybe, just maybe, this was not the time to start tripping up on his words. He put her arm around her shoulder, reluctant to say anything but feeling the need to say _something_. "And I went and brought it up all over again. I'm sorry, Shepard."

"You couldn't have known. No one knows. Well, Chakwas knows, it's in my medical file. But other than her... I don't exactly talk about it much."

"Well, if you need to, you can talk to me about it. If not, consider it dropped and I won't mention it again."

Carefully, he placed his head on top of hers. It was a hard thing to comprehend; yet another way that humans and turians differed. Turians only gave up their children when the Hierarchy demanded that they do so, and that only happened when the parents were deemed unfit.

"He ended up with a nice family out in one of the outlying districts. At least, I hope he's still with them. He would be fifteen years old now. "

Garrus made a small noise, to indicate that he was listening.

"I wanted him to have a better life. I didn't want him doomed as a crawler, like I was. Like so many kids I had met on the streets. Lost, scared, hungry... broken. He deserved better than a tiny SecEight apartment and little hope for the future. That was all I could give him, back then."

"I'm sure you did the right thing," Garrus replied. "You always do."

She laughed, a short, sad thing. "I hope so. I've had to make some tough calls since I left Earth, but few can compare to that one." She sat up then, quickly wiping her eyes. Garrus left his arm along the back of the couch, unsure what to do or how to help.

"It was part of what spurned me to join the Alliance, you know."

"It was?"

"It made me realize that I had to do something to change my life. If I didn't do something, something drastic, I would stay a crawler forever. I _never_ wanted to be in a position to have to make a decision like that _ever_ again. So, six months later, the day I turned eighteen, I filled out the recruitment paperwork. And we all know how that ended up."

"So, it wasn't all bad, right?"

"No... just hard to think about. The should have and might have been."

"We all have shadows in our past, Shepard."

"I know, but most of them don't walk and run and breathe and probably wonder what they did wrong so as to cause their mom make him go live with strangers."

"I'm sure he's doing just fine, despite that."

"I have to tell myself that, Garrus. I still beat myself up when I do, but at least I can still function."

"Come here," Garrus said, gesturing back to the place she had just vacated. She obliged him. "I'm sorry, it was a stupid thing to bring up."

She sighed. "It's alright. If for some bizarre reason we survive this mess... well, we can talk about it again then." She looked at him, her smile genuine this time. "But don't hold your breath."

Humans and their idioms. It never ceased to amaze him how many there were.


	5. Las Vegas is Burning

**Warning: LotSB Spoilers within**

Prompt: _$CITY_ is Burning

* * *

She had been standing there, seemingly for hours, flipping through videos and feeds.

"Go to her," Feron urged. "She's going to overload her memories if she keeps this up."

"Some days, I think humans are all about overload. They give turian discipline a run for its credits," Garrus replied. "I'm just not sure how to help. Liara's the one running the show here, until we hear more from her... if this is how Shepard needs to deal, then I should leave her be."

"And yet you still sit here, watching over her."

Garrus felt his mandibles flare slightly. "Are all drell such masters of stating the obvious?"

Feron made a small noise, but did not respond beyond that.

A few moments later, the random stutter-skipping of the vids stopped. Garrus realized that Shepard had been watching this same clip for at least ten minutes now.

Her whole demeanor had changed from one of agitated and angry to eerily quiet and still.

Ignoring the drell, Garrus stood and headed over to Shepard. She jumped when he reached out to touch her shoulder. "Shepard, you really need to take a break from this."

The glare he received was icy, even for her. "Fuck off, Garrus." She turned back to the vid screen, oblivious to how her words had hit him like a shot to the gut.

"Shepard..."

"NO, Garrus!" she screamed. "After all we've done, after all the warnings we tried to give them, after all who were taken by the Collectors... even more innocents have been killed. Millions, Garrus! It was all a _waste._"

"Millions more would have been taken if we hadn't-"

"It's gone, Garrus."

"What's gone?"

"_Everything._ The strip, the neighborhoods, the streets I used to know like the back of my hand. _Gone._ It's worse there than other places. Like they took some offense to bright lights or something."

"Strip? Lights? Oh yeah, the gambler's city," Garrus remembered. She had told him little of her childhood, but what she had shared sounded rough and mean. A city dedicated to decadence by its very nature turned a blind eye to suffering. "Liara's working as fast as she can, calling in her contacts, spreading the word. And your bastard friends at Cerberus are not going to take this lying down either."

"But it's not fast _enough_. How many more will die while we lick the Council's boots? While the fleet assembles? Even Cerberus doesn't have the resources to fight an entire Reaper invasion alone."

"We'll save all that can be saved, Shepard. It's all we can do."

She turned forcefully away from the vid screens, stomping off in the direction of Liara's atrium. "And just like the last two times, _it's not going to be enough._"


	6. Earth Holidays are Weird

Prompt: Earth Holidays are Weird

* * *

"Back when I was with C-Sec," Garrus began, "I remember there being requests sent in from the human wards, asking for special permits to remain open through the night hours. It was somehow connected to this feast of yours, but I never understood why."

Shepard grinned wryly. "Yep, that's us. It ain't a celebration until gluttony and greed have been deployed."

"But, why?" the turian continued. "Do you feast with the shop keepers? Or do you just travel in groups, eating and spending credits as you go?"

"They're not the same event," Shepard tried to explain. "Generally you have the feasting first, then the day after is the shopping. Though yes, the traditions have merged some over the centuries. Some stores would open in the middle of the night, while some stay open through the night of the feast."

"I still don't understand the point of the whole thing. It's not like the crew is demanding shore leave and holiday credits. All they seem to care about is that Rupert is roasting several gigantic winged creatures. Those things are so big that I doubt they could fly even if they wanted to."

"They can't reproduce naturally, either," Shepard said, still grinning.

Garrus stared incredulously at the commander for several seconds, before looking away and shaking his head. "Earth holidays are **weird**."


	7. Little Krogan Boy

Prompt: Grunt learns the true meaning of Christams

* * *

Rupert let out a surprisingly manly scream. Braver men had screamed far more shrilly when confronted with a charging krogan.

"Dammit, Grunt, those cookies were for the entire crew!"

The huge creature almost looked comical in his shame. "Oh," he replied simply, staring at the cookie carnage sprawled across the floor of the crew deck.

"Grunt," Shepard said in her Commander Voice, "Go find a broom and clean up this mess. And then get to helping Rupert to make another batch of cookies."

An hour later, Shepard returned to the crew deck to check on Grunt's progress.

"So, wait, are you celebrating winter, or the birth of this god-child?"

_Oh no,_ Shepard lamented inwardly. _Not philosophy. Not with the krogan. Not with __**Rupert.**_

"I don't give a damn either way. All I know is that I'm s'posed to make cookies," Rupert replied grumpily.

"It's about appreciating those who are important to you, and if you're so inclined, giving them a gift," Shepard interjected.

"Huh," Grunt replied, thinking for several moments. Shepard could almost hear the gears whirring in his head.

She watched as Grunt carefully (for a krogan) slopped frosting over several of the still-warm cookies. Proudly, he presented her a paw-full of slightly-crumbly cookies, the frosting sloughing off as it melted from the heat.

"These are for you, Battlemaster. Thank you for all you have taught me. Mer... what is it again? Merry Christmas."

Shepard couldn't remember ever having cookies that tasted so good.


	8. Space Cowboy

**Prompt: Don't Look a Gift Horse in the Mouth**

"Are you _sure_ it's a cow? It looks more like a horse. Well, except for those weird grabby hands."

"That is what the asari call them," Liara replied. "Perhaps the translation into your language is slightly inaccurate."

Shepard reached over and patted one on the head.

"Keep an eye on that one over there. It looks... shifty."

"Garrus, please. How can a space-pony-cow-thing look shifty?"

"Oh, I dunno," the turian replied flippantly. "The way he eyes you up and down, the way he flexes those fingers, the fact that he's coming over here after we started talking about him. Pick a feature."

"We really should return to our search for Doctor Wayne," Liara interjected.

Shepard ignored her and turned to face this supposedly suspicious horse. "There's nothing suspicious about you, now is there? No weapons, no mindless charging at us trying to kill us, nope, just a harmless space pony you are. Unless..." Shepard reached over and grabbed the creature's snout. "Unless you have a bomb hidden under your tongue!"

The creature reared back, swiping at Shepard with its bizarre arms.

"Leave it alone, Shepard!" Liara shrieked. "Who knows what they could do to us if provoked?"

"Fine, fine," Shepard agreed reluctantly, turning back toward the Mako. "But I've got my eye on you, Pony-Cow."

The horse let out an indignant grunt.

"Shepard," Garrus said, leaning over. "I think it's following us."

"Now you're just being ridiculous. Move out!"

* * *

"Goddamned Toombs. Goddamned _Cerberus_" Slamming a fist into the bar got the bartender's attention.

"Shepard, I think you've had enough."

"I'm fine!" Shepard slurred. "Jus' gimme a'nothr"

"Sorry, Commander. Maybe another time."

"Garrus!" Shepard exclaimed. "Maybe you c'n talk Turian at this bastard an' get 'im to serve me."

"Just pay your tab and lets head back to the Normandy," Garrus said as he reached over and grabbed Shepard's shoulder.

"It's a Turian conspiracy, I'm tellin' ya!" Shepard complained. A compartment of Shepard's armor hissed open, and a similar hissing sound soon escaped Shepard's lips. "What the hell? Where's my credit chit?"

The bartender sighed audibly. "Wonderful. If there's one thing the Alliance doesn't like throwing credits at, it's the bar tabs of their Spectres."

"Here," Garrus interjected, sliding his own personal chit across the bar. "I got it."

"Great. Just great. Which backwater planet do you think..." Shepard paused briefly, then let out a string of curses. "It was the space pony! The one you said was shifty, Garrus! He took my chit!"

"Well I did tell you not to trust it."

"Shaddup."

"Lets get bakc to the Normandy before the mean pink space pony comes to get you again."

"He wasn't pink!" Shepard exclaimed. "...was he?"

"Let's go, Commander."


End file.
